Sunday, August 7, 2011

I'm Switching to Gallatin and Majoring in Retiring

Oh the joys of being retired...after spending a few days with my grandmother, Ma, I've officially decided I can't wait to be 65.  You get to spend your days indulging in fabulous activities like mahjong, golf, and watercolors.  Plus, you can drive as slow as you want on the interstate and eat dinner at 4:30pm, and no one says a word to you because you're expected to do such things.  After just a few hours in Ocala, Murder She Wrote became my "new" favorite show.  Watching countless hours of the Angela Lansbury hit, along with Hart to Hart and Charlie's Angels, is how we'd spend the scorching afternoons.  Oh '70s/'80s mystery series; can't get much better than that.
The Fabulous Mystery Writer and Crime Stopper, Jessica Flethcer
The Self-made Millionaires, Mr. and Mrs. Hart
Showcased Women in Roles Traditionally Reserved for Men 
We also spent the five days searching for plate racks for my new collection and eating at delicious restaurants.  Soup and salad was the selected theme for most of our dinners.  We ate at both Crispers and Sweet Tomatoes-two dives specializing in meat free entrees.  Along with Pasta Faire and a few home cooked meals, there's no denying we ate well.

However, there was one sight that took away my appetite.  We spent yesterday morning lounging at the pool.  After lathering up with my SPF 100 sunscreen, I found a perfect shaded spot and was enjoying my latest read when Ma told me to look up from my book.  Gripping the pool handrails was an old man (at least 80) wearing a leopard print speedo.  YUCK!  The saddest part was he really thought he looked good.  With his bald head and wrinkle infested leathery skin, he was really wowing the ladies; I'm just not so sure it was for the right reasons.  After I'd had a few moments to quit my gagging, one noodle-loving lady sauntered out of the Grim Reaper Pool bikini clad.  I'm sorry but after you reach a certain age, like 30, it's time to retire your two pieces for a more modest approach.

Besides the shocking swimsuits, I really do feel like living in an active seniors community will be awesome.  I'll join a book club, have long lunches with gal pals, dress my teacup poodle in ridiculous outfits, watch murder mysteries from the 2030s (that'll be the Murder She Wrote era for me), and eat copious amounts of strawberry ice cream.  If only there was a way to go from college to retirement.  Oh well I guess I'll just have to start my countdown to 2056 now.

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